1
00:00:03,667 --> 00:00:04,709
This is it, Lis.

2
00:00:04,792 --> 00:00:07,250
They're gonna make you
an actual Disney princess.

3
00:00:07,333 --> 00:00:09,041
If that's what you really want?

4
00:00:09,125 --> 00:00:13,834
Let's see, a lifetime
of competition and anxiety as me,

5
00:00:13,917 --> 00:00:16,750
versus being totally taken care of?

6
00:00:16,834 --> 00:00:19,208
Tough choice. Tough choice.

7
00:00:21,125 --> 00:00:22,166
Growl.

8
00:00:23,500 --> 00:00:25,250
I wanna be a princess.

9
00:00:25,333 --> 00:00:26,750
You've got the job.

10
00:00:26,834 --> 00:00:28,917
First step's a killer.

11
00:00:36,792 --> 00:00:41,250
It is I, Loki, making another
contractually obligated appearance.

12
00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:43,208
Though my powers are no match

13
00:00:43,291 --> 00:00:46,917
for the accountants
at Disney business affairs.

14
00:00:48,125 --> 00:00:51,333
Merchandising. So beneath me.

15
00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:55,750
Who's that?

16
00:00:56,250 --> 00:00:58,834
Oh, thank heavens. Snow White?

17
00:00:58,917 --> 00:01:01,041
Close enough.

18
00:01:01,125 --> 00:01:02,500
I poisoned her.

19
00:01:02,583 --> 00:01:04,183
- Join the club!
- Come on. Be a villain!

20
00:01:04,250 --> 00:01:06,000
Join us.

21
00:01:06,083 --> 00:01:07,667
No, I'm not a villain.

22
00:01:07,750 --> 00:01:09,667
Oh, come on.

23
00:01:09,750 --> 00:01:11,667
Villains are fun.

24
00:01:13,333 --> 00:01:17,083
Besides, Disney gets rid of princesses
as soon as they're 20.

25
00:01:17,166 --> 00:01:18,208
It's a fact.

26
00:01:18,291 --> 00:01:22,375
I was 19 and three-quarters. Union!

27
00:01:22,458 --> 00:01:26,000
And we villains get
to sing diabolical tunes,

28
00:01:26,083 --> 00:01:28,875
which become drag show favorites.

29
00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:34,000
♪ Who wants to be a pretty girl
In a fancy dress ♪

30
00:01:34,083 --> 00:01:37,375
♪ When you can be an octopus
Who makes a mess ♪

31
00:01:37,458 --> 00:01:40,417
♪ That sap Prince Charming
He's such a schnook ♪

32
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:44,125
♪ Ladies prefer a man with a hook ♪

33
00:01:44,208 --> 00:01:46,083
Not the face! Not the face!

34
00:01:46,583 --> 00:01:47,667
Thank you.

35
00:01:47,750 --> 00:01:50,250
♪ You don't get an invitation ♪

36
00:01:50,333 --> 00:01:53,125
♪ So create a conflagration ♪

37
00:01:53,208 --> 00:01:55,709
Seems a little extreme.

38
00:01:55,792 --> 00:02:00,375
♪ When your brother wrecks your toys
You can slice the heads off boys ♪

39
00:02:00,458 --> 00:02:01,458
Cool!

40
00:02:01,542 --> 00:02:04,208
♪ But don't you villains always die? ♪

41
00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:06,917
Depressing kid.

42
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:12,417
♪ It beats living happily-ever-after
With some boring guy ♪

43
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:14,417
♪ Bring on the princes ♪

44
00:02:17,041 --> 00:02:19,875
♪ We are predictable
Dull as linen ♪

45
00:02:19,959 --> 00:02:22,834
♪ We seem to kiss unconscious women ♪

46
00:02:22,917 --> 00:02:25,917
♪ Same white teeth
Same fluffy hair ♪

47
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:28,834
♪ Big strapping chests
But nothing up there ♪

48
00:02:28,917 --> 00:02:31,750
♪ We seem super handsome
But here are the facts ♪

49
00:02:31,834 --> 00:02:34,709
♪ When we come on-screen
Kids leave to get snacks ♪

50
00:02:34,792 --> 00:02:37,417
♪ We'll screw up the world's affairs ♪

51
00:02:37,500 --> 00:02:40,500
♪ You stay home and crank out heirs ♪

52
00:02:40,583 --> 00:02:43,458
♪ Life with me will not be easy ♪

53
00:02:43,542 --> 00:02:46,709
♪ You're better off with Doc and Sneezy ♪

54
00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:49,250
Aren't you forgetting someone?

55
00:02:49,333 --> 00:02:51,625
And don't say narcissistic.

56
00:02:51,709 --> 00:02:53,709
- Sorry, Mickey!
- Don't hurt us.

57
00:02:53,792 --> 00:02:56,208
- Won't happen again!
- Have you lost weight?

58
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,291
Shh!